In Response to Rosemary Westwood’s Indigenous Woman’s Trauma cannot be conveyed in statistics

In Response to Rosemary Westwood’s Indigenous Woman’s Trauma cannot be conveyed in statistics

We have this far-left paper in Calgary that is called the Metro. They hand it out for free when I get on the local transit. The Metro seems to mostly hire far-left progressives to write their articles. I was quite indignant at one of the journalists, Rosemary Westwood.  In the title of the article “Indigenous Woman’s Trauma cannot be conveyed in statistics”, Rosemary puts statistics on the back-burner and takes us into the realm of trauma and pain, and downplayed critical thinking and logic.

http://www.metronews.ca/views/metro-views/2016/07/21/indigenous-pain-cannot-be-conveyed-in-statistics.html

Let me be clear, of course I feel for anyone who has a missing or murdered daughter. Rosemary’s dismissal of statistics leaves out the true sadness of the statistics. The title of her article emphasizes women, but she should have looked further at the rest of the demographics. As we can see in Rosanna Deerchild’s shocking article, the statistics show that 71 percent of murdered and missing indigenous people are MALE.

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/unreserved/tradition-authenticity-and-the-fight-for-indigenous-identity-1.3281731/are-we-ignoring-missing-and-murdered-indigenous-men-1.3284322

I fully concede that of course the history against the Canadian indigenous people (and indigenous people around the world) has been marked by genocide, including the cultural genocide of residential schools. If cultural genocide sounds too euphemistic, simply consider that many of these children were taken away from their families at a very young age, beaten, abused, and raped, and not allowed to learn their language or learn practical skills (such as fishing, hunting, and family skills) to live on the reservations.

However, Rosemary’s legacy of articles seem to rely on an outdated feminist or post-colonial frameworks, which are no longer appropriate to analyze the modern reservations in Canada. Thankfully, most modern Westerners and Canadians are not raping and pillaging on the reservations. Today, if we want to help the indigenous people, we must recognize that the current crimes against the indigenous are committed as lateral crimes. That is, they are murdering and committing crimes against each other. I am prepared to substantiate this claim as follows:

Canada’s own statistics shows the disproportionate rate of crime among Indigenous peoples.

Aboriginal people come into conflict with the law disproportionately to their representation in the general population. While representing 2.7 per cent of Canada’s population, self-identified Aboriginal people represent approximately 17 per cent of all admissions to federal institutions […] Adult Aboriginal people are incarcerated more than six times the national rate.

http://www.csc-scc.gc.ca/aboriginal/002003-1008-eng.shtml

The higher incarceration rate does not indicate that the crime is lateral. Some could argue that a higher incarceration rate is simply a result of bigotry. I suggest we take this statistical data in context of the anecdotal data, which as been compiled in this handy psychology/sociology paper. http://www.ahf.ca/downloads/lateral-violence-english.pdf

The theme in this paper is clear, as we read the overwhelming repetitive sentiment of the Canadian indigenous:

We are dealing with family dysfunction, family fights in different parts of the community, and so on. Why is that? Why do we as Aboriginal people often tend to be mean to one other? Whether it’s lateral violence, gossip, rumor, backstabbing, and even outright anger, sometimes leading to deaths, violent deaths. Why is that? I think you can make linkages to what we’ve been talking about [..which is violence on the reservation..].

Our American neighbours are realizing the same things, which is that the crimes on reservations are committed by the indigenous themselves. An article by Timothy Williams  demonstrates that the reservations have a higher crime rate and fewer convictions.

 

To link back to Rosemary’s Westwood’s article, and her implication that women are the biggest victim of abuse on the reservation; Rosanna Deerchild’s article and the actual statistical data show that indigenous men are the majority of missing and murdered indigenous. Especially when we read the anecdotal surveys, the feedback from the paper clearly shows that the violence is not discriminatory, and both genders (as well as children) are hurting.

Many of the fiscally conservative think that it is not necessary to spend on the inquiry, since we have already made logical conclusions on who is committing the murders and violence on reservations. However, I personally support a detailed inquiry; we should have measured confirmation before moving forward with an action plan. I think the real answer would take some common sense to realize indigenous families are broken, due to their genuinely traumatic history. However, perhaps the only way to help the indigenous population is to recognize the facts and encourage them to heal with the facts.

My heart goes out to all the victims and I asked the public to extend your sympathies without discriminating due to gender. The Canadian Association for Equality started a petition called the Necktie Campaign, to expand the inquiry, and improve the likelihood that the inquiry results will be accurate. This will address the pain of ALL indigenous mothers.

http://equalitycanada.com/necktie-campaign-a0/

Also, follow the Canadian Association for Equality- Calgary branch facebook page to learn more about the marginalized issues of Men and Boys in Canada!

https://www.facebook.com/EqualityCalgary/

By Monique Dietvorst

Monique is a fiction and technical writer who was born and raised in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. She loves music, books, her pitbull dog, Apollo, and her cat, Ayaan. She is the Member Relations and Community Outreach Officer for the Calgary branch of Canadian Association for Equality (C.A.F.E.), and she is a Men’s Issues Enthusiast.

Come to her CAFÉ grassroots meetup at

https://www.meetup.com/EqualityCalgary/

Contact Monique by email mdietvorst@equalitycanada.com

Help CAFÉ create services for men and boys at Calgary Donate and become a CAFÉ member at

http://equalitycanada.com/project/Calgary/

All donations designated to the Calgary fund will contribute to services at CAFÉ’s Calgary Center for Men & Families.

The Responsibility Quotient

 

The RESPONSIBILITY Quotient

PART I

There is no greater denial of truth than one’s unwillingness to accept responsibility for his or her own part.  Before we go further, I invite you to sit for a moment and contemplate the meaning of this sentence.  For me, it means that when I do not take responsibility for my part in any given situation, I am not living in my truth and the result is usually pain and conflict.

This post is about the “R” word; Responsibility.  I have written about this before but it deserves another post given what we are experiencing today.  It is about why accepting Responsibility in your life is the key to your happiness and a life lived in the truth and in a higher vibration.  If you disagree with this or you believe you always take responsibility for your own part, then I suggest you’re in denial.  Taking responsibility is difficult and something resisted by most people, that is, until there is too much pain to deny it. The consequences of this denial and ripple effect are far reaching, cause conflict and adversely affect our spiritual, physical, mental and emotional state, personal relationships and ultimately our world. Unless one takes responsibility for his or her own part, one cannot truly learn life’s lessons and grow as a human being, foster healthy relationships or boundaries and live an honest and fulfilled life in freedom.

The hardest part for me to accept was the notion that I might be contributing to the experiences of my life.  When I honestly looked at my relationships with my family, friends, colleagues, etc., I realized that I was the common denominator in these relationships.  Faced with this fact, the first place I turned was within and that was where I found my truth and ultimately, fulfillment.  Over the past decade, I have been on a quest for happiness and contentment.  My journey and willingness of this acceptance and self-reflection has evolved over time and has happened despite of my attempts at resistance.  At first I denied this and the result was more pain, however, as I persisted things have improved, albeit slowly. For an impatient person, it has been excruciating.  While my journey has been difficult,  it has been the most rewarding quest of my life thus far.   The WHY of the pain you have experienced might have been different but the feelings and emotions as the result of the WHY are likely the same.  The pain I experienced was low self-esteem, self-pity, fear, anger, anxiety, depression, loneliness, sadness and the list goes on.  When I reflected on my part, what I discovered about myself was not great or pretty and certainly didn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy.  The self-reflection dredged up sludge that I did not know existed.  The life everyone told me I could have and should desire was supposed to have resulted in happiness and contentment, however, my reality was much different.  The sludge was more like muck which resembled the delusional, murky and sticky reality of my life.  Even though I did not like what I saw, I realized that the muck was where all the nutrients were hiding but so disguised I couldn’t see it.

Our society is experiencing a great shift in consciousness right now and as part of this shift, humanity is questioning the values for which we claim to adhere, which are the values proclaimed by our, inter alia, government, religious and financial institutions and familial structures born out of these powers (the “Powers”) to be the foundation for how we as a people conduct ourselves.  It would appear the following values (principles/standards) are some of what we believe to be revered by most societies on this planet: freedom, independence, honesty, truth, community, love, compassion, inclusiveness and tolerance. The problem however (always in part), is that our conduct and our tolerance of certain behaviours do not match the values we believe form part of our identity.   The incongruence between these values and our actual reality lead to conflict, both externally and internally.

The “Structure” (or our society) in which we live, and what we have bought in to, is no longer serving the common good and those who are ready for this awakening and are those people lead to a mass questioning of why and why not. Our curiosity is peaked and we are no longer complying with what the Powers are presenting or delivering, namely the Structure.  When our curiosity rises to the surface and the answers reveal the truth and we remain complacent within the existing Structure, the incongruence is further exposed.  Our suffering is the result of clinging to Structure despite knowing better.

It is a great time to be alive and much will change as the result of this shift and mass awakening, so long as we remain diligent in our quest to take responsibility and get to our truth, both individually and collectively.  The Powers have made our Structure, namely, the laws and policies, which form (or should resemble) the foundation of our values.  The Powers have told us what to eat, who and what to like/love and desire, who and what to worship, where and how to live and why.  In my not so respectful opinion, the Powers, which create the Structure have delivered up “Bullshit”, which does not align with our values and truth.   Equally discouraging is our collective acceptance of this Bullshit.  We as a people, have eaten up this Bullshit without query or further investigation and have asked for seconds.  Our current suffering is the result of the mass delusion fed to and ingested by all of us by the Powers who do not want you to question why or why not.  While taking responsibility is not about pointing fingers, we must first understand the context of where we are to understand where we have to go.  A quick glimpse into our reality will reveal a society laden in debt, addiction, fleeting relationships, lack of community, isolation and fear.  Why are we so unhappy?  Why are more people depressed, obese and suffering from anxiety and dis-ease generally?  The Powers will be the first to tell you that this dissonance we are feeling is actually an illusion and for those really living outside of the Structure, a delusion.   They’ll tell us to take the pill, inject the substance, buy the thing and you’ll feel better. They’ll tell us THEY are the problem and make decisions to rid ourselves of the discomfort which comes at the expense of human rights/dignity. What’s worse is that the Powers disguise their solution as benefitting the Structure and play on our fear and insecurities to justify their solution.  These “solutions” however, directly benefit the Powers and only the Powers.  But, what about you? What about US?

So, who can we blame for the mess that we are in? One would think that the Powers should be blamed, but that is not correct.  It’s not their fault. So, if it’s not their fault, who is to blame if there is any blame to lay? I believe that the blame rests with us, me and you, and our general malaise, willingness and blind acceptance of the Bullshit the Powers have dolled out; that we have eaten up without further inquiry as to whether what we were ingesting was good for us.  Unlike food poisoning, which has a rapid onset however, the Bullshit we’ve eaten up is subtle, more like Gaslighting[1].  It’s been mass manipulation and not dissimilar to the manipulative abuse experienced in a domestic violence scenario. We are being manipulated and don’t even know it.

Accepting this notion that we are to blame is the first step in taking Responsibility. Part of our human nature is to believe in what others we trust are telling us.  This includes the Powers influence, but also include our families and friends and our communities.  However, for those in tune with the shift, as the gap between what we feel in hearts and how we live our lives widens, we most likely experience great discomfort and conflict.  I know that I did personally, which was why it was so important for me to get clear on my values.  The discomfort may be described as cognitive dissonance, which is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas or values at the same time.  The mental stress however is just the beginning.  From this, physical maladies take hold and our decision-making ability becomes more and more precarious, especially if we are constantly told that what we are feeling is incorrect or can be cured or satisfied by ingesting further Bullshit.  This purgatory/denial is very uncomfortable and rather than sit in the muck to find the nutrients, which leads to taking responsibility, we tend to do the opposite and deflect responsibility so that we can escape the shame or the duty that then is bestowed upon us, requiring action. Some common examples of this deflection include:

  1. If I get X, then I will be……
  2. If you only experienced what I experienced, then you would understand why I did ….
  3. I had no other choice than to …
  4. Ya but……

Can you identify with any of these?  For a long time, I fed into this and when I am not being mindful of my behaviour and actions (which continuously happens, albeit less frequently as I learn to listen), I find that I fall into the same deflection traps. These are all euphemisms for “I’m not prepared to take responsibility for my actions in this situation, I am not taking responsibility for my thoughts, behaviour or beliefs”.  By avoiding responsibility, we are lying to ourselves and those with whom we interact. This mass denial has energy too and it ripples across state lines, boundaries and walls.  Its toxic energy has infiltrated the world.

There is no solution is finger pointing.  I am responsible for my own behaviour, actions, beliefs and reactions. So are you.  When I am pointing one finger at you, three are pointing back at me. Just because the Powers and the Structure tell us we should do something or that something is wrong or right, is it? When do we take charge of who we and what we are and what is important to us?

I’ve not always made the correct choice, but then again, maybe I did?  I’m not ashamed of or regret my experiences.  Some have been easy to accept and others challenging.  To say they were good or bad is not the point or the correct way to view it.  Every opportunity or outcome has been the exact opportunity or outcome I needed to experience in my journey to finding my truth.  It wasn’t right or wrong or good or bad. It just was. It was my responses to these experiences however, where I may be judged, but in the experiences, there can be no judgment or label.  These experiences have shaped the person I am today and I can honestly say that I am grateful for each experience (although, at the time this gratitude was allusive).  It was devastating for my ego to learn that I might have a role in the dynamic of each situation I experienced, but upon accepting my part and seeing the truth, the real growth and healing began.

I believe there are many benefits to accepting responsibility, which will then benefit you and the Structure and will challenge the Powers.  We are all given free will to choose.  It is a fallacy that we are not given this freedom and a convenient excuse for staying stuck in the deflections/muck.  The immediate benefits to taking responsibility, including the following:

  1. reduction/elimination of conflict;
  2. reduced stress, anxiety and fear;
  3. healthier bodies and minds; and
  4. Freedom from our bondage to the Powers and the current Structure.

How will you show up in your life today? What will you do to live in the Solution?  Be the light and the change you wish to see.

PART II

The Essence of Taking Responsibility

What are values and why is it important in the context of taking responsibility?   Values are the standards and principles by which we live that guide our behavior. They are the very essence of why we need to take responsibility. Having accepted that we have been complicit in our decisions, we need to examine our values (both personal and collective) so that we can get a benchmark for how we are to conduct ourselves.  Have you ever felt uncomfortable about a decision you made?  Can you remember how your stomach might have felt in that instance?  What did you do about it? If you did nothing, what was the result? When we do not know our values, we cannot act in our truth.  When we make decisions and our values are compromised or ignored, the result is uneasiness and internal conflict.  Therefore, our goal is to know our values and live by them to the best of our ability.  This is standing in our truth.  This seems a simple concept and easily put into practice, but is it?  Are our values the same in all areas of our life and for all people?  They should be but upon reflection, I submit they are not.

One reason for the discord in our world right now (and perhaps in your personal life) is because our values are misaligned with the values I believe to be inherent to all humans.  At best these values are misappropriated.  You might agree that some inherent and shared values include commitment, integrity, loyalty, tolerance, honesty and compassion, to name a few.  Most people will be able to identify these within their own specific cohort that they believe to be special to them.  For instance, the extremists/fundamentalist are extremely loyal to their cause and the people who support their same mission/goal.  However, the same value is the same value seemingly cherished amongst all peoples and countries.  We are more likely to practice these values with other family members and friends than others we don’t know much about or care to know much more about. At first blush the value of loyalty seems to be consistent amongst everyone.  It’s not that we don’t share the same values, we are just picky about with whom these values are bestowed. In some cases, we plainly refuse to have this value operate to others we choose not to love and accept.

The question is, if we all share similar values, why can we not align these values so that they transcend all boundaries, state lines, religious organizations etc. and why can’t we live according to these values on a consistent basis? The reason for this is because the fear and bullshit conferred upon us by the Powers which, in part, have us looking for differences rather than similarities, which are motivated by power and control rather than love. Our world is suffering from a mass hole in the soul disorder.  Further, what makes this more complicated is the Powers have created laws and policies which are most often misaligned with the “values” championed by all of us.  For example, in the United States of America (and in Canada), we hear routinely how sacred and important strong family values are however, the policies and laws on maternity leave (for instance) certainly would not demonstrate this is the case.  Tolerance and a world free of judgment seem to be a coveted values, yet only for specific people, while others are segregated and discriminated (i.e. religious and indigenous groups for instance).  When our Structure is misaligned with its values are, how is it possible for us as individuals to conduct ourselves from the place of our values?  It’s not that we don’t believe these values to be important, we do. We just haven’t been mindful about being true to our values.  This disconnect is a cause for the disharmony in the world.

It is absolutely essential to get clear on our values if we have a hope in hell of finding our freedom and living in our truth.  Our job is to challenge the Powers and Structure and call bullshit when we see that their behavior is violating our values and morals.  This is our responsibility, not only to us as individuals, but to humanity.  What we are experiencing now is not only the shift but a call for everyone to get crystal clear on their values and live in truth. We must stand up and show up in our lives and stop ingesting the bullshit.

What are the values espoused by most Structure’s as being universal and true? Our responsibility is to look at each value and assess how our actions, both individually and collectively, and our laws and policies match these values.

Katherine Kowalchuk is a lawyer living in Calgary, Alberta and speaks about responsibility and a myriad of other topics all designed to help our world “wake-up”.  She is the founder of www.saynotobullshit.com and creator of www.wamhealingcentre.com

 

 

You Are To Blame!

There is no greater denial of truth than one’s unwillingness to accept responsibility for his or her own part.  Before we go further, I invite you to sit for a moment and contemplate the meaning of this sentence.  For me, it means that when I do not take responsibility for my part in any given situation, I am not living in my truth and the result is usually pain and conflict.

This post is about the “R” word; Responsibility.  I have written about this before but it deserves another post given what we are experiencing today.  It is about why accepting Responsibility in your life is the key to your happiness and a life lived in the truth and in a higher vibration.  If you disagree with this or you believe you always take responsibility for your own part, then I suggest you’re in denial.  Taking responsibility is difficult and something resisted by most people, that is, until there is too much pain to deny it. The consequences of this denial and ripple effect are far reaching, cause conflict and adversely affect our spiritual, physical, mental and emotional state, personal relationships and ultimately our world. Unless one takes responsibility for his or her own part, one cannot truly learn life’s lessons and grow as a human being, foster healthy relationships or boundaries and live an honest and fulfilled life in freedom.

The hardest part for me to accept was the notion that I might be contributing to the experiences of my life.  When I honestly looked at my relationships with my family, friends, colleagues, etc., I realized that I was the common denominator in these relationships.  Faced with this fact, the first place I turned was within and that was where I found my truth and ultimately, fulfillment.  Over the past decade, I have been on a quest for happiness and contentment.  My journey and willingness of this acceptance and self-reflection has evolved over time and has happened despite of my attempts at resistance.  At first I denied this and the result was more pain, however, as I persisted things have improved, albeit slowly. For an impatient person, it has been excruciating.  While my journey has been difficult,  it has been the most rewarding quest of my life thus far.   The WHY of the pain you have experienced might have been different but the feelings and emotions as the result of the WHY are likely the same.  The pain I experienced was low self-esteem, self-pity, fear, anger, anxiety, depression, loneliness, sadness and the list goes on.  When I reflected on my part, what I discovered about myself was not great or pretty and certainly didn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy.  The self-reflection dredged up sludge that I did not know existed.  The life everyone told me I could have and should desire was supposed to have resulted in happiness and contentment, however, my reality was much different.  The sludge was more like muck which resembled the delusional, murky and sticky reality of my life.  Even though I did not like what I saw, I realized that the muck was where all the nutrients were hiding but so disguised I couldn’t see it.

Our society is experiencing a great shift in consciousness right now and as part of this shift, humanity is questioning the values for which we claim to adhere, which are the values proclaimed by our government, religious and financial institutions and familial structures born out of these powers (the “Powers”) to be the foundation for how we as a people conduct ourselves.  It would appear the following values (principles/standards) are some of what we believe to be revered by most societies on this planet: freedom, independence, honesty, truth, community, love, compassion, inclusiveness and tolerance. The problem however (always in part), is that our conduct and our tolerance of certain behaviours do not match the values we believe form part of our identity.   The incongruence between these values and our actual reality lead to conflict, both externally and internally.

The “Structure” (or our society) in which we live, and what we have bought in to, is no longer serving the common good and those who are ready for this awakening and are those people lead to a mass questioning of why and why not. Our curiosity is peaked and we are no longer complying with what the Powers are presenting or delivering, namely the Structure.  When our curiosity rises to the surface and the answers reveal the truth and we remain complacent within the existing Structure, the incongruence is further exposed.  Our suffering is the result of clinging to Structure despite knowing better.

It is a great time to be alive and much will change as the result of this shift and mass awakening, so long as we remain diligent in our quest to take responsibility and get to our truth, both individually and collectively.  The Powers have made our Structure, namely, the laws and policies, which form (or should resemble) the foundation of our values.  The Powers have told us what to eat, who and what to like/love and desire, who and what to worship, where and how to live and why.  In my not so respectful opinion, the Powers, which create the Structure have delivered up “Bullshit”, which does not align with our values and truth.   Equally discouraging is our collective acceptance of this Bullshit.  We as a people, have eaten up this Bullshit without query or further investigation and have asked for seconds.  Our current suffering is the result of the mass delusion fed to and ingested by all of us by the Powers who do not want you to question why or why not.  While taking responsibility is not about pointing fingers, we must first understand the context of where we are to understand where we have to go.  A quick glimpse into our reality will reveal a society laden in debt, addiction, fleeting relationships, lack of community, isolation and fear.  Why are we so unhappy?  Why are more people depressed, obese and suffering from anxiety and dis-ease generally?  The Powers will be the first to tell you that this dissonance we are feeling is actually an illusion and for those really living outside of the Structure, a delusion.   They’ll tell us to take the pill, inject the substance, buy the thing and you’ll feel better. They’ll tell us THEY are the problem and make decisions to rid ourselves of the discomfort which comes at the expense of human rights/dignity. What’s worse is that the Powers disguise their solution as benefitting the Structure and play on our fear and insecurities to justify their solution.  These “solutions” however, directly benefit the Powers and only the Powers.  But, what about you? What about US?

So, who can we blame for the mess that we are in? One would think that the Powers should be blamed, but that is not correct.  It’s not their fault. So, if it’s not their fault, who is to blame if there is any blame to lay? I believe that the blame rests with us, me and you, and our general malaise, willingness and blind acceptance of the Bullshit the Powers have dolled out; that we have eaten up without further inquiry as to whether what we were ingesting was good for us.  Unlike food poisoning, which has a rapid onset however, the Bullshit we’ve eaten up is subtle, more like Gaslighting[1].  It’s been mass manipulation and not dissimilar to the manipulative abuse experienced in a domestic violence scenario. We are being manipulated and don’t even know it.

Accepting this notion that we are to blame is the first step in taking Responsibility. Part of our human nature is to believe in what others we trust are telling us.  This includes the Powers influence, but also include our families and friends and our communities.  However, for those in tune with the shift, as the gap between what we feel in hearts and how we live our lives widens, we most likely experience great discomfort and conflict.  I know that I did personally, which was why it was so important for me to get clear on my values.  The discomfort may be described as cognitive dissonance, which is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas or values at the same time.  The mental stress however is just the beginning.  From this, physical maladies take hold and our decision-making ability becomes more and more precarious, especially if we are constantly told that what we are feeling is incorrect or can be cured or satisfied by ingesting further Bullshit.  This purgatory is very uncomfortable and rather than sit in the muck to find the nutrients, which leads to taking responsibility, we tend to do the opposite and deflect responsibility so that we can escape the shame or the duty that then is bestowed upon us, requiring action. Some common examples of this deflection include:

  1. If I get X, then I will be……
  2. If you only experienced what I experienced, then you would understand why I did ….
  3. I had no other choice than to …
  4. Ya but……

Can you identify with any of these?  For a long time, I fed into this and when I am not being mindful of my behaviour and actions (which continuously happens, albeit less frequently as I learn to listen), I find that I fall into the same deflection traps.  These are all euphemisms for “I’m not prepared to take responsibility for my actions in this situation, I am not taking responsibility for my thoughts, behaviour or beliefs”.  By avoiding responsibility, we are lying to ourselves and those with whom we interact. This mass denial has energy too and it ripples across state lines, boundaries and walls.  Its toxic energy has infiltrated the world.

There is no solution is finger pointing.  I am responsible for my own behaviour, actions, beliefs and reactions. So are you.  When I am pointing one finger at you, three are pointing back at me. Just because the Powers and the Structure tell us we should do something or that something is wrong or right, is it? When do we take charge of who we and what we are and what is important to us?

I’ve not always made the correct choice, but then again, maybe I did?  I’m not ashamed of or regret my experiences.  Some have been easy to accept and others challenging.  To say they were good or bad is not the point or the correct way to view it.  Every opportunity or outcome has been the exact opportunity or outcome I needed to experience in my journey to finding my truth.  It wasn’t right or wrong or good or bad. It just was. It was my responses to these experiences however, where I may be judged, but in the experiences, there can be no judgment or label.  These experiences have shaped the person I am today and I can honestly say that I am grateful for each experience (although, at the time this gratitude was allusive).  It was devastating for my ego to learn that I might have a role in the dynamic of each situation I experienced, but upon accepting my part and seeing the truth, the real growth and healing began.

I believe there are many benefits to accepting responsibility, which will then benefit you and the Structure and will challenge the Powers.  We are all given free will to choose.  It is a fallacy that we are not given this freedom and a convenient excuse for staying stuck in the deflections/muck.  The immediate benefits to taking responsibility, including the following:

  1. reduction/elimination of conflict;
  2. reduced stress, anxiety and fear;
  3. healthier bodies and minds; and
  4. Freedom from our bondage to the Powers and the current Structure.

How will you show up in your life today? What will you do to live in the Solution?  Be the light and the change you wish to see.

By Katherine Kowalchuk, Lawyer, Speaker, Truth Seeker

To contribute to Say No To Bullshit contact us at contribute@saynotobullshit.com.

[1] The manipulation of someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

What Are Our Values?

I think we all remember the US election and specifically when Trump was caught on tape bragging about his pussy grabbing exploits with Billy Bush. You actually may not remember as this moment seemed to filter between most American’s ear’s and then out? Did it filter? Did that actually happen? Because had it actually happened, one would have thought that this would have put the last remaining nail in the coffin for Trumps candidacy.

Anyway, I remember thinking at this time what would happen if Kellyanne Conway, Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump declared what a fucking misogynist idiot Trump was and then banded together to officially oppose him and call him on his bullshit? I remember thinking how amazed and proud I would be of that moment I made up in my head. I was suddenly inspired and wanted to become American. How would things have changed? How inspirational would that have been? Such a bold and brazen move would have been a bit of a challenge I suspect for Ivanka, given that she is blood related and everything. Nonetheless, it would have been absolutely amazing and this declaration by Ivanka specifically would have made me want to vote for her for President, if I was American.

Instead, I can only imagine what could have really been going on at Camp Trump-Ovary. I suspect Melania was not capable of doing something so inspiring given her having recited one of the First Lady’s speeches as her own. Original thought would have certainly been necessary for such a bold move. Ivanka must have thought such an act would be tantamount to betraying her Dad and was too offensive. Yes, let’s go with that. And Kellyanne, well, I don’t know what the fuck she could have been thinking (or is still thinking) so -10 points for her for not putting Women first and providing the leadership that we all crave and desire before pussygate and her own self interests.  I suspect all three women are no different than most people in that they are being lead while asleep and buying into the bullshit peddled by those in power without questioning anything.  Maybe neither have a choice.  This does not excuse this passiveness but explains it. While their self serving conduct may serve themselves quite nicely and has thus far, I wonder if either of these women or women generally take the time to really understand and know their core values and how core values shape their decisions.  I know for me that knowing my core values and living them is difficult, especially when I perceive society’s values as diametrically opposed to mine.  I’m not saying this to appear morally superior.  Believe me, I struggle with this daily and feel I am constantly reconciling my life’s decisions with what I am supposed to do.  Fuck, life as a human is hard.

I recently heard that the Rockefeller family endorsed and inspired the women’s movement in the 60’s and thereafter. When I heard this, I started thinking about the importance of this tid bit of information. I came to the realization that it made sense for the gazzillionaire banking family to take up such a worthwhile cause for two main reasons:

1) before the “women’s movement”, 50% of the population was not contributing to the economy and therefore, how would the gazzillionaire’s coffers be sustained or multiply without supporting women working?; and

2) how could their plan of global domination be accomplished if the more compassionate of the human race were at home instilling values such as love, honesty and integrity with their children instead of working their ass off trying to buy basic necessities or their 2000+ square foot home that they would spend only their evenings in and leaving their children to raise themselves, thereby slowing eroding societies values so that their said plan could take hold?

We all appear to champion equal rights for women and have made a lot of noise about equal pay, etcetera, blah, blah, blah. I’m a woman and a mom and I get it. Not blah, blah, blah because I don’t want equality or to get paid for the value I contribute, but, blah, blah, blah because is this really what we want and if so, is this how we want it? What are we striving for as women or as a society? What are our values, both as a society and individually? Understanding our values at the individual and global level must be conclusively determined if we have a chance at surviving as a species and turning things around. Once we have an understanding of our values, we must then act in accordance with these values. This is our responsibility to ourselves and to the world. To say that the conflict that we are experiencing in the world is complicated is an understatement, but a part of this conflict stems from the fact that our values (or purported values) are not in alignment with how we live our lives and what we tolerate and promote.

Today, if I used the recent US Trump election as a guidepost for the values of our world, I would suggest that we value the following:

a. lying is the new truth
b. manipulating
c. celebrity
d. rhetoric over substance
e. money
f. power
g. control

Other guideposts would reveal further tragedies. These are in no particular order, although, honesty seems to be the most obvious value our worldly fellowship seems to have overlooked as if it were leftovers at dinner.  In contrast, we claim (as Canadians and Americans) that we value truth, honesty, integrity, authenticity, love, inclusiveness and compassion, yet we don’t see this mirrored much in mainstream society do we.  We are misaligned and either know it and don’t care or have no idea.    Maybe it’s both.

I want to stop the delusion and program of self punishment we are collectively running. I don’t want us to remain sheep asleep.  I want us to be mindful of the life we want to live and to live it accordingly.  I do think that we all want the same things but our actions certainly suggest otherwise.  I note getting in touch with our true core values and living them is next to impossible in this world, but it can be done. Stating opinions such as what I have in this post will no doubt have me labelled “crazy”, which is the label most women get for voicing such opposition, but, I am desperate for honesty, love, tolerance and compassion to rule our world. I guess I’ll have to live with the label or learn to be quiet.

I would love your feedback and thoughts about this topic and others.  I want to have the conversation. I want to reclaim the values I believe are inherent in all of us but hibernating. This is how I see things today.  I am reminded by many that the world is actually in a much better state than I describe and feel most days.  I see glimpses of this and sometimes agree but this is difficult to reconcile when we allow people such as Trump get elected to such a formidable position and then wonder how the fuck he got there.  We are all responsible and played our own role.

Katherine Kowalchuk is the founder of saynotobullshit.com, lawyer, speaker and truth seeker.

Happy New Year- Lesson Finally Learned…Don’t hold on to the potential

Welcome to SaynotoBullshit.com and Happy New Year.

I am happy that 2016 is over and at the same time, I am grateful for what it has taught me. While I have a long way to go to a full awakening (if I ever get there at all), I have realized that I have spent the last decade at least, mired in my own bullshit and before that literally asleep. Change is slow but it happens whether we like it or not. It’s been 2016 that has shifted me the most and as usual, it came as the result of great pain. I thank my soon to be ex-husband for this. While I would like to give him all the credit for this pain, if I am honest, which I have pledged to myself to be, I did contribute in my own way for sure. While cheating will be the subject of another blog post I’m sure, I can certainly look to where I was blind and of course I am responsible for my behaviour after I found out!

In any event, the self reflection and exploration I have begun has opened my eyes and I feel like I’ve just started. The past decade was a good warm up but I truly feel like way more will be revealed. More than I could have ever imagined. Through this journey I believe it is also my responsibility to do what I can to share these revelations with you all. You see, I think we are all being fed a bunch of bullshit. Not only that, we accept bullshit and the people who carry this bullshit for way longer than we should (ahem Trump). I fell in love with the potential of the relationship I always wanted which turned out to be bullshit. Reality never reflected the fantasy. Nonetheless, I remained within the delusion for far too long. Maybe it was just the right amount of time and in fact, it probably was, after all, it brought me here today. This is my part and I must take responsibility for this.

My hope is that when I know better, I will do better.

I am a speaker, lawyer and as part of my journey I have come to see how very connected we all are and why a spiritual practice in my life is so essential to my growth…yours too but you may not be ready to hear that. I am the owner of WAM Healing Centre and WAM Family Law. My mission on that platform is to help people reduce conflict by accepting responsibility and forgiveness and as a family law lawyer. A big part of that is learning to embrace and develop a spiritual practice. I’m not talking about ridding yourself of all material possessions and holding yourself up in some secluded Tibetan Monastery. I am talking about developing a mindfulness practice which brings us closer to source, which in turn (with some personal realizations), will help reduce conflict. I think my program is sound and well thought out. I know that it will help because I went through my own program and it has helped me. You should really check it out.

When I’ve discussed my program (the Conscious Conflict Resolution Program) with others, I get a few responses. Almost everyone thinks it is a great idea but then one or two will question the “Woo Woo” aspect, or what I call spiritual exploration element of the program. These people aren’t my ideal client, so they think. In fact, they are exactly my perfect client. I don’t apologize for my approach or experience in that platform but feel like I can say that definitively here. I have all the faith in the world that it will help you and I am not apologizing for it or altering it because it might make some people feel uncomfortable. That’s the point!

So, what’s this all about. This is the next part in my evolution…looking at reality squarely in the face and calling Bullshit when I see it. This site is about finding the truth, which will make you feel uncomfortable. That’s also the point. I will be asking Why? and Why Not? a lot. I want to hear why something is bullshit or why it isn’t. I have a strong need to know the truth. It’s exhausting really. However, this is part of what I am about and I’ve accepted it. Another thing I’ve accepted is that I don’t want to walk this journey alone. I need your help, your perspective, your support, your truth. So, please accept my invitation to help me spread the truth and maybe change the world. Yes, I think Big…no eye rolling.

xoxo
Katherine